she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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