and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
