Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
COCAINE IS GR8
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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