Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
