part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
