Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we're making bets on your personal life
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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