He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
