How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
