mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
