oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
