I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
