Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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