you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think people are normalizing furries
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
