that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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