Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
