I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
