whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
