when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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