Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
