Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
People in love make me want to vomit
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
