I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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