just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
