I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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