Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
