You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
