You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize