he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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