How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Houston, we have a squirter
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
