a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
