a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
