Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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