I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
