i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
