He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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