ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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