Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
please come you make the beer taste better
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
