hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
