i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
