and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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