I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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