Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
