you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
