I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
