She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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