"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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