how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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