My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
