please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
