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if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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