I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
