I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
