6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
