I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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