I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
