I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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