i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
