they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
