He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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