her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
