What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
