I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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