the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
