i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
