wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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