he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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