He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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