We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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