Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
