That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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