omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
