I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
